Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Infertility {update}

  • If you read here you can see my infertility timeline
  • If you read here you can read about my 3rd miscarriage
  • If you read here you'll see how I struggle with hypothyroidism
  • If you read here you'll see why I decided to get healthy
My future family depends on it.
Kind of a touchy subject, I know. As you know, I struggle with infertility. THREE years now! I've seen 3 different OBGYN's and one Maternal Fetal Specialist. In July, I was referred to The Center for Reproductive Medicine. I felt very hopeful because I personally knew 3 girls who went to this particular doctor and have beautiful, healthy children!!
So, first in August they did an ultrasound that showed a normal uterus and ovaries..no abnormalities. Then I did the HSG test done as an outpatient procedure and it was perfect..clear tubes, no abnormalities. Last step was the Recurrent pregnancy loss labwork. Oh my goodness, 8 vials of blood from me, and 3 from my husband. We had this labwork drawn in September. In October, we received the results. I tested positive for the Lupus Antiphospholipid test, but everything else was normal for Jordan and myself. So, while this is a scary diagnosis, it is treatable and many people go on to have healthy pregnancies with heparin injections and baby aspirin daily. It's still upsetting, and expensive. The injections monthly are basically another car payment.
Everything that comes along with infertility is just depressing. I'm scared to get pregnant again, I'm scared of the costs associated with a "high risk" pregnancy, I'm worried about how many doctors I will have to see, etc. I know it'll be worth it though. It's all just kind of mind overwhelming. I try not to think about it too often, really. It will begin consuming me, and that's no fun.
What's sad thing with infertility is..if I were to get pregnant, say, next month..I would be on pins and needles basically until the end of it. That is not fair. I have a lot of emotions when it comes to this process. Basically, to sum it up..it's not fair.
But life isn't fair.
I have to keep remembering that I will have children one day. I will get to decorate a cute little nursery, and have family portraits taken, and go through all the ups and downs of parenthood. I don't know how and I don't know when..but, I will.
Thanks for listening.


safire said...

Much love and support. I can't imagine how tough this journey has been for you. xoxo

Fit Mom said...

I understand that you are scared and will be scared til the end of your pregnancy...but once you hold that baby in your hands it will all be worth it...

The worry, the money, the stress, everything. Worth it.

I didnt have to deal with infertility, but I did have one miscarriage and bleeding with my other two term pregnancies. I understand scared.

And I am so glad that you can write your feelings down in your blog.

And I wish I could give you a big hug right now. And say that everything will be ok.

Thanks for sharing all your feelings. I feel very lucky to have been an "insider" to something very private.

Hugs and support to you!!