Loss..definite.

I posted Wednesday that I thought I was in the process of having a miscarriage. Although my Dr. was trying to be as positive as she could at my Thursday's appointment, I wasn't quite convinced a pregnant woman could be bleeding that much and still have a healthy pregnancy. I was expecting the worst and hoping for the best I guess you could say.

Even though I pretty much knew it was going to end badly that didn't help how I felt as I did end us miscarrying Saturday night. Gut wrenching is probably the best adjective. Saturday night I had began to bleed more and more. My pain level was probably at a 9. Jordan and I ended up going to the ER at the hospital he works at. When the sono lady said that she was sorry there wasn't a heartbeat, I just covered my mouth with both my hands so that I wouldn't let out any horrific cries to scare the other patients. Let's just say it was a bad night. This makes for loss #3 and the hardest..physically and emotionally yet.

I've had a few days to recover. Thankfully I don't need a D&C procedure. But returning to "normal" life is bittersweet. I am missing going to the gym though, so I will be back working on my fitness ASAP. I am going going back to Weight Watchers starting next Friday. I'm not going to rush anything though because my body..and mind.. is still healing. I'm going to meet with the pastor who married us for some grief counseling. Driving home from the hospital Saturday night I was screaming some things to God that I'm not proud of.

Anyway, thank you for all the kind emails and facebook messages. I really do appreciate them. I plan on getting back in the swing of things here within the next week or so.
~Allie