Wednesday, April 13, 2011

The Fight

I figured I would touch base on how my training for my 10k is going.
It's going.
Two Sundays ago was BAD. I mean bad, bad, bad. I knew from the moment I woke up it wasn't going to be a good run. I didn't want to drive to the park where I meet my dad, I didn't want to put IcyHot on my shins, I didn't want to stretch...
I didn't want to run!
But I did..well, kind of. We started off and of course I kept telling myself "just keep running, Allie.." but it was more of a shuffle than a run or a jog. I was barely picking up my feet. We got past the bridge and there's a hill. I usually walk up said hill and then take back off when there's flat land again. I didn't even want to WALK up that hill. I was done in my head. My dad could obviously tell I was struggling and told me to turn around and he'd meet back up with me. Immediately alligator tears are rolling off my cheeks the whole walk back to my car. I started thinking "poor me".. how I still have at least 40lbs to go, how I just want to eat a pizza, how I want to magically be able to run this 10k and make my dad proud of me and darn it, I just want to fit comfortably in some size 10 jeans! Poor, poor fat me.
I didn't run once that next week.
Until Thursday last week I decided I needed to run again. Then I ran some more.
I guess my point is:
This isn't easy.
When I say "this" I mean weight loss in general. It really, really isn't. I battle myself everyday to eat the right things, drink enough water, track my food. Deep down I think this will always be a fight for me.
I want to be healthy.
I want to have children.
I want to wear cute clothes.
I want to run a 10k with my dad.
And I will keep fighting!


Lynsey said...

You are doing awesome.....remember that!

safire said...

Great post! It's not easy but I think it makes us stronger in the long run. Good luck with everything.

I love that you aren't playing victim.

Sarah said...

Ugh! I hate days where runs just don't work. Where you are mentally and physically done and all you can think about is how far you have to go. Struggling is no fun, but it is part of getting where we need to be! You can do it!!! You'll have a good run day again!

:Deliciously Healthy said...

This isn't easy. At all. I hate that. But I want the same things as you yes, we have to keep fighting :)