Obsession.

Let me tell you something about myself..
I am an obsessive person.
I get on these "kicks" every once in awhile..weight loss, selling Scentsy, baking cakes, crafting, coupons, etc etc. They end up consuming me for awhile then I slowly get over it. I know it drives my husband crazy, but that's just me.

When I started my weight loss journey in 2010 at 250lbs, weight loss consumed me. I wanted to lose weight as quickly as possible. I joined Weight Watchers for the 4th time, but was 100% dedicated this time. I wrote down everything I put into my mouth. I counted every single point. Next thing I knew I had lost 52 lbs.

I then became obsessed with the scale. I would weigh myself every morning, as soon as I got home from work and then right before I went to bed. Then when I'd get to work in the morning I'd open my excel spreadsheet and record my weight. EVERY single day. I knew exactly what the scale was going to say at Weight Watchers every Friday so really I was paying them just to stand on their scale.

I think my husband started realizing that this was becoming an unhealthy problem. I would literally let the scale dictate how my day was going to go. I distinctly remember one Friday afternoon my weigh in didn't go quite as I'd expected so I wanted to rush home and get to the YMCA. When I got home I couldn't find my headphones to listen to music at the gym so I flipped out...and guess who got the blow? My poor husband. It is really shameful to look back on those days.

Jordan ended up hiding the scale. Literally. It was to help me trust in the weight loss program and become more confident in myself. I posted about it here. It didn't last long though. We actually argued about my obsessive ways with weighing myself and I compromised to only weigh myself at the Weight Watcher's meetings.

...Then I quit Weight Watchers. and I quit blogging for awhile. and I quit tracking points. and I tried some fad diets like the 17 day diet, etc. and I fell off the wagon. I didn't exactly gain ALL my weight back, but I sure wasn't in the ONEderlands any longer..and I haven't been there since.

It was like I felt that if the scale didn't tell me my weight, my weight loss journey didn't matter anymore and I didn't take it seriously.

Why?

I don't know.

I don't understand my logic a lot of the time.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do about that damn scale. Do I need to revert back to my old ways of weighing myself everyday to stay motivated? Do I need to just get rid of the scale all together? I'm confused. Obviously I'm just getting into a rut with weight loss and beginning to feel like I'm never going to make it to my goal.

help.